The Parallel Years transcript
(It begins on a dark background. A door opens to reveal the interior of a refrigerator. Enid looks inside and grabs a carton of milk, discovering that it's empty.) Enid: You've gotta be kidding me. Six days in a row we run out of milk. I need to cap this and quick. Honey!? Do we have any means of finding out who's been in the kitchen the past few days!? Bob: Oh you know we do! In the cupboard! (Enid looks in the cupboard and finds a camera.) Enid: Perfect. Time to catch a rat. (Enid pools over the footage. Day one, Bob pours some milk into his coffee but the carton falls. Bob puts it back into the fridge. Day two, Colleen makes herself cereal and pours that and the milk into a large bowl. Day three, Autumn goes to get herself a glass of milk, but falls with the carton in her hand. Day four, Julie sneaks into the kitchen and guides Victor, Larry, Bernadette and Jupiter in, where they take the milk and make Larry chug it down. He collapses and they haul his body out. Day five, a cat monster breaks into the house and drinks all of the milk, turning human soon after. Day six, Enid sleepwalks and drinks the milk right out of the carton.) Enid: At least they went for something beneficial. (Alison walks into the kitchen.) Alison: Hey Mrs. D, can I have some milk? Enid: Absolutely not! I don't know what you people see in my milk, but I'm putting my foot down. Want it so badly? Get your own, but watch out for clumsy cripples, girls who're somehow hungry for large quantities of cereal, kids who'd be better suited for college fraternities, kleptomaniacs and cat monsters! Alison: Oh-kay...? Sorry guys, no sale. (we see everyone in the video Enid watched in the other room, groaning.) Cat Monster: I was hoping to become human to primp up for a date. (intro plays) (it goes to Ms. Chapley's class. Julie, Victor, Bernadette and Jupiter are explaining what happened to Larry, who has suffered a bad reaction to the milk.) Victor: You see Ms. Chapley, we were taking a bike ride in Runnymede when we saw a Venezuelan spider. It bit Larry and, have you seen Arachnophobia? He had a seizure, like a cougar he said. But then, his face puffed up like that guy from, have you seen Basket Case? So we spent the next few hours trying to unblock his airways and give him time to heal. Which is why we're late for class. Ms. Chapley: You do know that I don't hold anyone accountable for what happens outside of school, right? Julie: So, where doest that leave us now? Ms. Chapley: Look, I have something planned for the end of the day, and I don't want to put up with any headaches before then. I'll let you all slide just this once. Jupiter: Thanks Ms. Chapley, yoo da best. (Julie goes to take a seat, but Sam pulls a chair out for her.) Sam: Allow me. Julie: Thanks. Fiona: One more for the books. Julie: Huh? Ashley: Sam's been pulling chairs out for everyone. Wayland: Chairs, giving Ms. Chapley an apple, and come to think of it, she gave Tommy a spare sweat jacket when he got into trouble on the way to school. Tommy: It's true. Ruth: I hate to give anyone the wrong idea, but I think something's about to go down on a grand scale. Sam: I can hear all of you. (the kids scream.) Sam: Look, I've been friends with a lot of you for a while now, heck, I'm even on good terms with a majority of you. I just wanted to be nice. Alison: Well, if you want to be nice, just go back to being yourself- Sam: Don't judge me! Alison: Mission accomplished. Sam: I just want to be ready for Saturday. (inner monologues play) Alison: Saturday? Why does that sound so familiar? Colleen: Because we go through that day every day? Alison: Colleen? How'd you get into my thoughts? Colleen: Telepathy I guess. Ashley: Hey, Fiona, I just thought of a song, I'm sending it to you right now. (Message in a Bottle is heard.) Fiona: Nice. Alison: Focus, focus! What's happening on Saturday? Julie: It seems like a special day. Someone's special day. (everyone's silent.) Julie: Okay a train leaves Chicago- Alison: That's it! Sam's birthday! I totally spaced. Colleen: We all did! (end monologues) Sam: What're you thinking about? Alison: Agh! Uh, um... how great your birthday's going to be. Have anything you're looking forward to? Sam: A night out would be cool. (everyone sighs with relief. Colleen sneaks out and gets a hall pass.) (Cosmo readies for an announcement.) Cosmo: Good morning Belburies and Belberman. It's the third week of the month, and it's time to pick out this week's hall monitor. Ashley: So glad he was talked into picking randomly. Fiona: I hope it's me, I know exactly how it'll play out. (Fiona goes into a deep thought, which turns out to be a brief parody of the intro to Family Matters) Cosmo: Sam Bliss! Alison: Sam? Sam: Me!? Cosmo: Yes! Come on down, to my office that is. You need your special sash and what not. Sam: Coming. (Sam goes up and sees the hall pass is gone.) Sam: Hey, who took the hall pass!? (Sam goes out and sees Colleen with it.) Sam: Quit hogging the hall pass! (It cuts back to the class as a thud could be heard from the outside.) Ms. Chapley: You do know that if you're ordered to the principal's office you don't need a hall pass, right? Sam: That's a stupid rule! (at the end of class, we see the Elites talking amongst themselves.) Ruth: Where do we stand on Bliss being the hall monitor? Tiberius: Well, she seems reasonable. Randall: Yeah, but you have to remember that she has a low tolerance demeanor. When she's ordered to do anything, she'll do it regardless of who's involved. Dante: Sam seems like the kind of girl who'd take a mile from an inch. She'd probably fall apart once she starts busting people. Francis: Power always taints the mind. Sorta like that show where that meatball gets electric powers and uses them to get back at a milkshake that's bullying him. Tiberius: What show? And is that even a show? Francis: It is. I saw it last night. Elizabeth: That wasn't a meatball, that's a ball of compressed hamburger meat. Ruth: What's a meatball? Elizabeth: Compressed meat? Ruth: Exactly, case closed. Dante: I dunno, where does a meatball fit in when it comes to a milkshake and an order of fries? Tommy: If that's supposed to be hamburger meat, where's the bun? Marie: In your mind. Alison: Hey guys, what're you talking about? Randall: We're just going over how Sam might go mad with power, but now we're debating the existence of a cartoon centered on fast food items. Francis: Have you seen it? Preferably the one where that meat, I don't even feel like saying it in full because we've already just debated this, gets electric powers? Alison: And channels it into a giant balloon animal? Francis: That's it! Alison: I've seen it, but my memory's not too good on it. I can confirm that it does exist though. Francis: Good enough, in your face guys. (Alison goes over to Colleen who's rummaging around her locker.) Alison: Hey Colleen. I got something I wanna ask you. Colleen: Shoot. Alison: Do you think Sam will go mad with power? Colleen: When you get a powerful position, who wouldn't? (Colleen turns to face Alison and she sees she has a black eye.) Alison: I got another question. Colleen: This doesn't exist. Alison: Colleen, be real. Who gave you that black eye? (Jupiter and Bernadette run past them.) Sam: Stop! Jupiter: What seems to be da problem officer? Sam: Quiet! Is there, some kind of emergency? Something so major that you had the gall to run in the hall? Bernadette: We were just- Sam: There is no just, unless that just is a just punishment. Jupiter: What does that even- Sam: Detention, the both of you. Alison: I think my question got answered. Colleen: Mind your own business. Come on, let's get to class before we wind up running- Sam: Hey! Infraction! Never leave your lockers open. Colleen: Geez, it was an honest mistake. Sam: An honest mistake that's against the rules. Colleen: I can screw up, so could everyone else. Do your worst. Sam: You asked for it. (the two get into a fight. Cosmo soon arrives.) Cosmo: Break it up! Break it up! What's the meaning of this? Sam: She was resisting reprimand, seemed like a fair punishment if you ask me. Cosmo: Bliss, I'll be seeing you in detention. Sam: I don't think so. (Sam takes out a sheet of paper.) Sam: Take a look. Cosmo: Lubricant, bacon, Brut cologne- Sam: Oops, wrong one. (Sam takes out a different sheet.) Sam: All on assignment from the currently standing principal are granted diplomatic immunity.) Cosmo: Jerk. Can you at least leave me to deal with Colleen? Sam: I got her on an infraction, and since you coordinate deten- Cosmo: GET OUT OF HERE! Sam: Okay. (Cosmo helps up Colleen.) Cosmo: Are you okay? Colleen: I'm just fine. Cosmo: Let me get you to a nurse. Colleen: I've seen the nurse. There isn't much that could be done now. Cosmo: Then what do you want to do? Colleen: You could just let me go about my day. Cosmo: I can't let you stay here if someone's after you. It'll just make things worse. How about I let you leave early today to recoup. Colleen: Sounds good. Cosmo: I just need to let your parents know- Colleen: Hold it, you don't have to call them. Cosmo: Colleen I need to, they have to know what happened and that you're coming back. Colleen: They're at work, don't bug them. Cosmo: Colleen, your father collects disability checks and your mother does modeling for hire, something usually done out of the home. Colleen: Uh.. how about this? I could walk home and tell them, my house is only a few blocks away. Cosmo: You can't go out by yourself, you won't survive. Colleen: Then let someone walk me home, is that good enough for you? Cosmo: Depends on whether or not we get some volunteers. Alison: I'll do it. I have a lot to talk to her about anyways. Cosmo: You win this round Dixon. (the two begin to walk out.) Cosmo: But I'll get the next one. (Alison and Colleen walk home.) Alison: Alright, I already know that Sam had something to do with that black eye, so spill it. Colleen: Sigh, me and Sam got into a fight over the hall pass. I went right to the nurse when it happened, and I was hoping to ignore it until you began jumping all over my back. Alison: I only did it out of concern. Now, why didn't you want your parents to know about this? Colleen: I just managed to get them to break their built to be tough doctrine, and if they find out that I couldn't defend myself in a fight they'll go right back to calling me a letdown. Alison: I think you're being- woah, when did you get an Alero? And a Leganza? And an Eclipse? Colleen: What're you talking about? The only cars my folks own are a Vision and a Colony Park- Uh oh. Alison: What? Colleen: My mom's hosting Mrs. Bloodworth's bookclub today. Alison: And? Colleen: Obviously it'd be more obstacles I have to dodge. Alison: Well don't look now, but one obstacle is trimming the hedges. (the two look and see Bob outside.) Colleen: Okay, I've got some options. My room's upstairs, but the living room's to the right of it. Gotta time it just right. Alison: What're the other options? Colleen: There aren't any. Alison: So where does that leave your dad? He's bound to turn his head towards the front door at some point. Colleen: Don't worry, I know how to get by him. Cover for me. (Colleen throws a rock at Bob's leg.) Bob: AGH! Right in the broken portion! Alison: Uh... sorry? Bob: You know, normally I'd yell my brains out, but since I can't do much about this anymore, I just wanna ask. Why'd you throw that rock at me? Alison: To... get your attention? Bob: I could hear you just fine. I can't walk normally anymore but I could still hear pretty well. Alison: Well then it was a test to see how bad you're hurt, and I think I... accomplished that pretty well. Bob: ...Uh... Okay? (Colleen gets inside and comes across Enid, Autumn, Delta and Linda in the midst of their bookclub.) Colleen: The stairs aren't too old, though just to be safe... (Colleen removes her sneakers and moves close to the entry of the living room, the four women are talking.) Enid: I don't buy the ending for a second. Hanneke: It's a horror story for children, I'd say you all need to suspend your disbelief. Delta: If we need to be invested in these things to persevere to the end, don't we have a right to be disappointed with the fate of a character? Enid: She has a point, I mean this girl suffered for so long, but how's being forever turned into a bird a positive payoff? Hey kids, running away from your problems is the way to go. Autumn: I think the TV adaptation was better. Delta: I completely agree. Hanneke: Now that you mention it, at least the right person got it in the end. Enid: All in favor of the TV adaptation overshadowing the book say aye. All: Aye! (back to Colleen) Colleen: There's no doubt Principal Kadic's going to call my folks. But if I get in there they're going to find out. No matter, I've got to try, I can do it. (back to the women) Delta: Now for the second matter of the day, Stephen King adaptations and why they diverge so heavily from the source material. (Colleen moves against the wall while the women are facing away from it. She reaches for the phone cable but Amber drops her glass.) Amber: Oh, sorry Enid. Enid: Not at all. Just put some paper towels down. (Amber reaches for the glass, with her hand getting close to Colleen. Colleen bites it and then goes for the phone cord.) Amber: GAH! Autumn: What is it? Amber: Something bit me. Hanneke: Maybe it was a spider? Amber: Yeah, a spider with a human bite. Geez I'm going to get a seizure aren't I? Hanneke: Spiders with teeth... Hmmm, that gives me an idea. Picture this, a sequel to Arachnophobia, where the spiders are giant and overtake San Francisco to get revenge on the main guy. Enid: Well it does make sense, not gonna lie. Amber: Wow, I must have some kind of immunity to seizures. Enid: Sheesh, if it was a spider you would've had a seizure five seconds after the bite. (Colleen runs upstairs) Colleen: Okay, I could tend to my wounds in the bathroom, but our plumbing's so old they're bound to hear me. Maybe I'll just go to bed, at least my room has a window. (Colleen goes into her room and goes to sleep.) (Back to the women.) Delta: Last order of business, what do we do for lunch? Hanneke: I don't care. Autumn: Me either. Enid: Chinese? Delta/Autumn/Linda/Amber: Deal. (Enid goes to the phone and sees it has no service.) Enid: No service? Wait, who disconnected the line? Delta: Something tells me the sudden lack of service and my bite may have a connection. Autumn: Ghosts. Obviously ghosts had something to do with this. Amber: If it were ghosts, why does it feel so humid in here? Enid: Enough! I need to see if I had any missed calls. (Enid reconnects the phone and goes to her answering machine.) Machine: You have, one, new message. Cosmo: Hello, I'm reporting on behalf of your daughter. She got into a fight at school and I sent her home at her behest. Please bear that in mind when you see her, I don't want you getting the wrong idea. She is incapable of being a delinquent. Since we're friends we both know a thing or two about our kids. Also, if Colleen's answering this, I win, no best two out of three. Enid: A fight? Plus the fact that the line just so happened to go dead before and that bite Delta got? And no, ghosts don't bite. Hanneke: Ghosts don't bite... Enid: No more movie ideas! I need to go speak to my daughter! Colleen! Come down here right now! (Enid runs upstairs.) Enid: Colleen I need to speak with you! Colleen: You'll just yell at me! Enid: I'm not going to yell at you, I'm just concerned. If I yell at you now I'd be putting myself on a very low level. Colleen: It's nothing. I'm fine. Enid: A fight isn't nothing. It's just going to get worse if we don't do something about it! Colleen: How would you know? You just go into things all the time, maybe for once you should let it slide. Enid: Colleen, please. Colleen: Please to you. Now leave me alone! Enid: I'll be back. I'm about to be on your level. (Enid leaves) Colleen: You don't know the extent of my pain. (Enid goes downstairs) Autumn: Well? Enid: Colleen is home, and now we're clear on the phone line issue. Delta: What about the fight issue? Enid: She wouldn't let me in. Delta: I'd love to help, but I'm needed elsewhere. It is the end of our meeting, see you at the Standing 8 for the next. Hanneke: Yeah and I need to get back to Channel 29, they brought in an endangered gorilla for a segment and it's my turn to keep an eye on it. Amber: Chances are Alison walked Colleen home and now she's at my house. I'd better go get her a bite to eat. Enid: Okay thanks a lot jerks! Delta: No problem. (The two leave.) Enid: What about you? Autumn: I'll stick around. You need my help more than ever. Enid: All I need is emotional support, and something to hug tightly when I go into an emotional fit. Autumn: Deal (in her head) I need a life... (back at school, the kids are in detention. Victor is playing on a harmonica.) Victor: Got detention today... Was in the hall without a pass... It wasn't my fault I swear... (Clifford takes the harmonica and breaks it.) Clifford: Sorry. Jenny: I could buy that we didn't have a hall pass or that we were running in the hall, but come on, I was just tying my shoes! Jerry: Let me tell you, Alison and Colleen got off easy. They won't have this on their permanent record. Bernadette: Yeah, this and everything that happened today is so lame, right Julie- Er, Julie? Jupiter: Did Julie get detention? Emily: I don't think I've seen her since that fight. (we see Sam walking down the hall.) Sam: There were infractions everywhere, but I pulled through, I am a powerhouse. Julie: I wouldn't be so quick to make that self-commendation. Sam: What, how did you-? Julie: Bathroom pass, or as I'd like to call it, the pass Colleen had when you attacked her. Sam: It was, oh, I, I didn't know. But it doesn't matter, because I caught her infracting fair and square. Julie: There's nothing fair about- Ech, what's with your nose? Sam: What do you mean? Julie: It looks so... big and warty. Sam: You're seeing things. Don't make me give you detention. Julie: Once it's in session, you can't give out any fresh ones. Nice try. Sam: I'll get you yet. Oh, and I hope to see you and the others on Saturday. (Sam gives Julie an invitation.) Julie: Got nothing better to do, so, whatever. Sam: Pass those on to the detentionites, almost forgot to hand those out. Julie: Should be a fun night. Sam: It will be. (Sam gives a laugh which turns into a cackle. Julie notices it.) Sam: What? Big deal. (Julie gives the kids the invitations.) Dante: Come to her party after she gave me detention for leaning against a class door? I pass. Ashley: I'll bet that she'll just give us goodie bags with cheap plastic junk. Sparky: Unspeakable. Brighton: Unfathomable. Phoebe: Inconceivable. Ruth: Retributionable! Emily: That's not even a word yet I get where you're coming from. Jupiter: But what can we doo? Julie: Simple. We don't show. Why would we go to her party after she's been treating us like trash? As a peer, I say, she should back off, we're on top this time. Dante: Back off peer, we're on top of this. (the students chant. It then goes to Cosmo who ordered a pizza.) Delivery Guy: Look dude I'm not going to spend all day haggling. I want you to pay for it, the whole sum. (Cosmo takes out his wallet.) Cosmo: You magnify pain, that's point number one. (at night, the Dixons and Autumn have dinner.) Bob: Colleen, dinner! Get down here before I eat your coli greens. Hurry! (Bob eats the greens.) Bob: They're delicious! Now I'm drinking your punch, be quick! (Bob drinks the punch.) Bob: And now I'm eating your flank-steak. (Bob eats the steak.) Bob: Too late! (Colleen is seen in the entry to the dining room. She gives a disappointed look.) Enid: Your father was just messing with you. Here. (Enid gives Colleen a full plate. Everyone eats in silence.) Colleen: So how's work Mrs. Dunn? Autumn: Can't complain, then again all I do is listen to people complain. Sometimes I could determine the issue just by looking into their eyes. Speaking of eyes what happened to- Colleen: Dad, did anything interesting happen to you today? Bob: Well I did get a new fishing rod from Ned, along with some custom hooks. Let me tell ya, they put a lot of detail on the eyes- Colleen: Mom! How about you? Enid: Well, I just got the latest Machine Head album. Now I have a full set that includes The Burning Red, The More Things Change and last but not least, Burn my EYES! (Enid rapidly blinks one of her eyes. Colleen just eats, ignoring them.) Bob: Let's cut to the chase, you're hiding something in plain sight, and you're not leaving this table until you open up. Colleen: There's nothing to open up about. Bob: Look Colleen, if we don't do something about this soon, people will begin talking. They see you coming out with a black eye, they'll think we gave it to you, or worse, we'll be forced to contend with that creeper of a judge. Colleen: He's in jail now. Bob: Okay I missed that, but still, they'll chalk up your unwillingness to talk about it to trauma. We don't want to lose you if anyone goes that far- Colleen: Mail! Enid: Oh no you don't! Autumn: There is mail, I saw it drop into the retrieval cage. Enid: My bad. (Autumn gets the mail and returns with it.) Autumn: For Bob, your disability check is in. Bob: Sweet. Autumn: Enid, you got the latest issue of better bodies magazine. Enid: Also sweet. Autumn: And finally, Colleen, you got a game shipment. Colleen: Awesome! Somebody responded! (Colleen looks over the games.) Colleen: Oh great, they're all budget games. Autumn: Now I- Oh, there's one more thing for you Colleen. It's an invitation to Sam's birthday party. Colleen: Pass. Autumn: What? Aren't you friends with her? I mean if you know her- Colleen: I'm just not interested in going. Bob: I hate to assume, but I think Sam's the culprit here. Is that right? Colleen: What if she is!? Enid: Did you two get into a fight? Has she been bullying you? Stop me if I guess it. Colleen: You could stop in general. (Colleen runs upstairs and locks herself in her room. The three hear knocking on the door. Bob answers and it's Alison.) Bob: I forgive you for throwing that rock. Alison: I know, but I just want to make sure Colleen's doing okay. Bob: Unfortunately, we can't get through to her, and I think it's taking a serious toll on Enid. Enid: I was there to listen to her. Every nightmare, every injury, now look where we are. Bob: Do you know anything about what happened to our daughter? Alison: I saw it. Sam became a hall monitor and she beat up Colleen when she left her locker open. Bob: Why didn't she tell us? Alison: She was afraid that the both of you would call her a disappointment again because she couldn't stand up for herself. Enid: You don't think we enjoyed that did you? We had to go through the same crap when we were kids. Heck, my folks pushed me so hard that I could've taken Mike Tyson when I was sixteen. Alison: Then prove it to her, I'll be right along with you. (upstairs) Bob: Colleen, we know why you won't talk to us. You'll never be a disappointment to us. We were wrong to ever call you a disappointment, and we don't want you to feel like one just because of what that bully did to you. Colleen? Alison: A note. (Alison picks up the note.) Colleen *narration*: To whomever reads this, you're not getting jack about what happened to me, so give up while you can. I'll be fine once I- (Alison opens the door and sees Colleen speaking the narration.) Colleen: Eep! (Colleen runs and the four follow her, but they're unable to catch her.) Enid: I was hoping she'd become rebellious when she became a teenager. Stupid advanced rebellion! (Enid punches the sidewalk.) Alison: There's got to be something we could do. Autumn: There might be. Alison: You've got a way to deal with witches? Autumn: I do, but let's round up the calvary, er, my and Enid's calvary. (The two round up the others.) Delta: So what're you roping us into this time. Autumn: Witch-related mischief. Hanneke: And we're mostly here to chew away at the scenery? Autumn: More people means that it's less likely I'll be a casualty. Anyway, since Sam's a witch, I think it's best we go to- Amber: No. Autumn: Go to- Amber: No! Autumn: Er- Amber: NO! Alison: What's the matter? Autumn: Edgar Frost. Bob: Who? Autumn: Edgar Frost was a paranormal investigator, though he primarily focused on witchcraft. He was driven into seclusion when a vault investigation he conducted proved to be a bust. Amber: He's also a bum, a loser, a dummy head and... he's my ex-husband. Alison: Wait, we're going to my Uncle Edgar for help? Amber: Why not shout it from the rooftops? Delta: Where do we need to go? Autumn: The same place where other washouts go, the apartment district. (they go to an apartment. Amber rings the bell.) Amber: Welp, nobody's home. Enid: For pete sakes, show some courage. (A man answers the door.) Amber: Welp, wrong address, let's go home. Enid: Hello, we're looking for Edgar Frost. Pace: ... Bob: You know him? Pace: Conozco a Edgar desde hace años, aunque es un poco escéptico al permitir visitas. Alison: So that's a no? (Pace guides them into his apartment, where they see Edgar in his study.) Autumn: Edgar Frost? Edgar: Who wants to know? Wait, Ambie? Amber: No uh speakuh da english-o. Alison: Uncle Edgar? Edgar: Alison? Sheesh, it's been ages! How've you been? Alison: No complaints, but we're here on business. You're the biggest expert on witchcraft this side of New England. We were hoping you could answer some questions. Edgar: Shoot. Alison: Well, I'm friends with a witch, and her birthday's coming up. She's been violent lately and she's normally not like this. Edgar: Ah, the Parallel Curse. Enid: Say what? Edgar: Young witches start off as generally neutral, but when they turn eleven, their core personality will determine whether or not they become a good witch or a wicked one. Alison: That... actually makes sense. Edgar: When's your friend's birthday? Alison: This Saturday. Edgar: Then you have until then to make sure your friend remains good, or she'll be history. Anything else you want to ask? Alison: I think we've got what we need. Bob: So, are you a roommate or a super? Pace: He salido con Edgar por años. Tengo suerte de tener a alguien como él en mi vida. Bob: Oh, so you're cousins? Amber: Let's just go, I think I'm about to hurl. Edgar: Fine, leave, say how's your work life? Amber: Well to heck with you! (it goes to Sam who's looking at herself in the mirror. Her skin begins to turn green as warts form all around her and her hair turns light and stringy. She cackles as she changes.) (it goes back to Colleen who's laying on her bed. She hears her parents re-entering the house and she goes to spy on them.) Bob: Enid, it's okay. Enid: No it's not! How could I be a good mother if I can't even talk to my own daughter anymore? I put her through what my parents put me through, I made her feel like a failure and now she won't talk to me. I'm a failure. (Enid cries and Colleen feels guilty.) Colleen: If I could bring someone down by not talking to them then I'm in the wrong. Mom, please, you're not a failure, I didn't mean to make you feel like one. I just didn't want to feel like one to you, oh please don't cry. (Colleen isn't heard. Enid walks out of the room. Colleen goes back into her room and plants her head into her pillow, lightly weeping. She then hears cackling from the outside.) Colleen: Save the laughter for a better time! Sam: There won't be a better time, for you, my pretty. (Sam appears through Colleen's window.) Colleen: Oh heck. (Sam kidnaps Colleen.) Colleen: Let me go! This would make sense if I made you suffer today! Sam: Shut up my pretty! Colleen: I'm not your pretty, I'm gorgeous. (Colleen is thrown into a dungeon.) Colleen: You won't get away with this you young hag! Julie: Colleen is that you? Colleen: Julie? She got you too? Julie: She got everyone. Colleen: Everyone except Alison. (Alison is thrown in next.) Colleen: Until now that is. Alison: Oh man, she got you guys too? Phoebe: We believe that she's reserving a gruesome punishment for all of us. Alison: None of this would be happening if we just... Wayland: What? Because this seems like something that'd happen no matter what. Alison: Well you got me there. But there's something that must be done. If we don't stop Sam before Saturday she'll be stuck like that forever. Sparky: How would you know? Alison: Talked to Edgar Frost. Dolly: Wasn't he that guy who totally hyped up that colonial home of the world's supposed first witch? Suzy: Thought he went early. Alison: Forget the theories! We need to get out of here. Suzy: Wait, don't we have a ghost here? Anita: Yes, but I can't get you guys through the bars, and I can't fight too well either. That's why I stuck around. Elizabeth: Come on guys, a solution isn't going to just fall out of our butts! Jenny: She's right. Everyone come together and, uh.. ahh... ahhh... Jerry: Take cover! (Jenny sneezes and her mucus melts the bars.) Elizabeth: Not out of our butts, but out of someone's nose. Go figure. Julie: I'll take it. (the kids run out and get outside, where Sam is tending to a chamber pot.) Sam: Snips and snails and letters to Yale. That's what makes up the jobs available to the upper middle class. Sugar, Spice and your residence being anywhere in Massachusetts, that's extra. Wayland: Uh... what? Alison: Let's not stick around to find out. Sam: Too late! Come my pretties. Alison: Pass. (Alison throws some water at Sam's face.) Sam: Ow! That hurt you jerk! Alison: Wow I didn't think I'd make a dent. Colleen: Run! (the kids run, but Colleen stays behind.) Sam: Oh, tough pretty eh? Colleen: One on one, no magic, just fists, and possibly feet. Sam: Fair enough, you'll be stewing away in my pot anyway. (the two fight. Colleen manages to give Sam a black eye and Sam looks at Colleen's own. She thinks back to the fight they had in school.) Sam: Colleen? What, what have I done? Colleen: Feel confused, scared? That's how I felt ever since you hit me. A darker side was awoken in you, but you don't have to let it overtake you. Sam: Colleen... I believe you. (Sam begins to melt, just as its about to turn midnight. Sam emerges from her melted wicked body. The kids come back.) Alison: Sam! You're back! And I now know about those worst possible places you have warts... (Alison hands her a towel) Sam: Sorry for everything guys, you especially Colleen. Obviously I couldn't handle the pressure of being a hall monitor, and if I kept going I'd... well you know. Colleen: The important thing is that the curse has been lifted. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go talk to my mom. (Colleen returns home and goes to talk to Enid.) Colleen: Mom? Enid: You don't have to tell me anything. If you want to keep it to yourself, you have the right. Colleen: But I don't want to keep it to myself. I did it because... cause I was scared. Enid: Scared? Colleen: Scared that you and dad would go right back to calling me a disappointment because I couldn't hold my own in a fight. I just didn't know what to do. Enid: Look, this may be my fault. I gave you the wrong idea back during that trip to Yorkshire and I shouldn't have. I remember how you used to tell me everything on your mind, and what happened today, really hit close to home. Colleen: And hard. I'll just say this, me and Sam got into a fight over the hall pass and then when I tried standing up to her when she yelled at me for not shutting my locker. The bruises obviously coming from physical fights that followed. That's everything. Enid: Colleen, you telling me everything means more to me than you think it does. Colleen: I know. (the two hug.) (in the morning, everyone goes to the greenhouse to celebrate Sam's birthday.) Sam: Here's to a lifetime of being good, and succumbing to being bad without it having any longterm ramifications. Dante: And here's to you getting Cosmo to write off those detentions you gave us. But you didn't have to quit being a hall monitor. Sam: Yeah I know, but honestly it was holding me back. Colleen: I think we all learned a valuable lesson from this. Alison: All we learned was that people crumple under power. You learned more of a lesson than we did. Colleen: Well, I guess we should all be open to talking to people when it seems like they're getting bullied. Julie: Done deal. (it goes to a volleyball game the adults are playing. Enid hits the ball and it goes right into Kerry's face.) Angela: Kerry's an exception right? Alison: Oh you know it is. (everyone leaves.) Kerry: Everyone on the opposing team left. So that means I win! Ouch. (end)